Friday, October 5, 2012

81 ALL TO MYSELF


~Chapter 81~
ALL TO MYSELF

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We’re pulling away from the curb in the taxi when I am treated to Master’s urgent kiss. “I was so proud of you tonight, Isabella. You were just perfect.”

“Pffft, perfect? No, I screwed up big time.”

“No,” he says, his nose nuzzling up against mine, staying connected. “Judging where the mistakes are made is my job, princess, not yours. Remember? You screwed up little time, and you received your correction.”

“Denying me the right to use the bathroom?”

Master pulls back and blinks the lusty fog away.

“Denying you the privilege,” he corrects, “which is mine to grant or refuse.”

“So I wasn’t in trouble after that?”

He huffs, “That’s between you and your bladder, princess.”

“You mean, you weren’t angry with me? It seemed like I disappointed you, or…” Or worse. “It felt like I embarrassed you in front of your old Master.”

He covers my hand with his and pulls it onto his knee. “Because I apologized to him about your behavior?”

My answer comes out weaker than I’d like. “Yes. That was so…” Damn tears burning behind my eyes.

“Humiliating?” Master fills in the word.

“Yes, but even worse than I’m used to. I mean, for you to have to apologize for my behavior, I guess the worst thing I could ever do is let you down.”

He lifts our joined hands and brushes the tears from my cheeks with his thumb. “Don’t you see? That only proves what a perfect submissive you are.”

“How can I be perfect if I failed you?” Crap, this hurts.

“If you don’t make a mistake now and then, it means I’ve failed you, Isabella.”

“How do you figure?”

“You can’t grow if you’re never challenged, and you already know the corrections are a large part of the fun.”

“That’s mean,” I tell him between sniffles.

“It is what it is, baby. My comment to Marcus was part of your correction, that’s all. Physical denial wouldn’t have captured the humility piece. You needed that, too.”

I needed that. The straightforwardness of his answer is both intensely disturbing and incredibly comforting. He did that for me, not because he was angry or disappointed or even embarrassed, which I find comforting. The fact that he feels I needed to be treated as the dog who made a mess on the Persian rug would be the disturbing piece, even more so because he has yet to be wrong about my needs.

“What about when I wouldn’t go with Marcus? You seemed pretty angry then.” His gritted teeth and red cheeks flash across my memory.

There’s a long pause, and he shifts and looks out the window. “I’m sorry if that came out sounding like anger,” he finally answers, turning his anxious expression back to me. “I should never give you the sense that I’m angry during a scene.”

“Does that mean you weren’t angry, or you’re just sorry I thought you were?”

Master’s free hand flies to his hair and he pulls his fingers through. Tension.

“I guess I’d have to say I was surprised. You’ve never disobeyed me like that before. I wasn’t expecting it.”

“I was scared,” I mumble. We’ve already been over this.

“Yeah, I know. That brings me to my second emotion.”

His brilliant green eyes pierce me with their intensity and my heart twists in the cage of my chest. I prepare myself for the blow, but when it strikes, I’m not even close to ready.

“It hurt that you thought even for one second I had sold out. Did you honestly believe I’d violate you that way? Just disregard your limits, your feelings, and everything we’d talked about ahead of time?”

Here comes the new parade of tears. “I panicked, I’m sorry.”

“Isabella, I’m not looking for your apology,” he says miserably. “I need your unconditional trust. I know it’s asking everything of you, but that’s what we’re shooting for here. It’s the brass ring.”

He’s not helping me mop up the tears this time. “You seemed so different in front of your old Master. I got scared.”

“Did I not seem different in the chat room? Or as the creepy scientist? What about the Headmaster?”

“You did, but you always seemed like you.”

“Tonight was me, too. I get to be whoever I want in the scene, and you don’t get to choose if you trust me; you just have to do it. That’s why we have limits and discussions—so you feel safe. If you can’t trust that I’m not going to hurt you, you can’t relax and do what you need to do, which is simply, obey.”

The next apology is on my tongue, but I know he doesn’t want it. “I’ll try harder.”

He accepts my promise with a slight nod. “And I’ll try harder not to push you past where you’re comfortable. This is the second time you should’ve safe-worded and you didn’t. Isabella, I’m not convinced you appreciate the danger for me. If I were to miss the signs and push too far, I…” He shakes his head sadly and I want to curl up in his lap.

And now I feel like a miserable failure. “You won’t.”

“No?” His eyebrows challenge me. “Sending you off with a power Dom to have his way with you isn’t pushing too far?”

“But you didn’t. You weren’t going to.”

“Ah, but you didn’t trust that deep down in your gut. No matter who you think I am in the scene, you have to know with certainty that you can trust me. And if you feel otherwise, you… have to safe word.”

Deep shaky breath in…and out. “I understand.”

He measures me carefully. “Sweetheart, I hope you can hear what I’m about to say. Playing with you when I can’t trust that you’ll safe word is irresponsible of me and dangerous for both of us. It’s a hard limit for me.”

My heart catches in my throat. Master has never once revealed anything he wouldn’t do, and I take his words for the ultimatum they were meant to be. “I hear you.”

Master lifts his hand to my cheek and says, “I trust you.”

The full measure of his statement slams into my chest like a punching bag, and I can’t breathe until the edges up his lips curl up into a smile. “Good,” I whisper.

“Can I go back to kissing you now?”

“You’re the boss, Master,” I reply, so much relieved.

“Don’t think I’ve forgotten for one second,” he answers in that dark way that makes me moist in all the right places.  Master cups my head and pulls me to his lips. His kiss is tender and gentle at first, an extension of his anxiety over pushing me too far. Our connection is powerful and irresistible, and the unresolved tension from the night’s events rekindles itself within me. Master, too, seems to be replaying the scene, kissing me harder and deeper.

“So…what’d you think of Marcus?” He asks the question, but then his lips are on me again, giving me no chance to answer.

“He’s hot….” He pulls back suddenly. Is that jealousy? “…For an old guy.” 

Master snorts.

“And kind of scary. Does he scare you?”

“Once upon a time, yes. He scared the bejeebus out of me.”

I love the sound of that, and I laugh, picturing my big, bad Master being scared out of his bejeebus.

“Are you ever gonna tell me what went on between the two of you?” I ask hopefully.

His kisses move to my neck, my ears, the swath of skin at the opening of my blouse. “Are you still talking?”

I giggle some more and realize this is all I’m going to get. At least for now.

The cabbie is probably as happy as we are to reach Edward’s apartment building. Edward shoves a couple bills into the guy’s palm and drags me eagerly from the cab, through the revolving doors, and across the lobby.

The elevator doors close and he turns and pins me into the corner with his knee between my thighs. “I wanted to tell you…” hot breath in my ear, “how impressed I was…” hand squeezing my breast, “the way you got down on your knees…” tickly kisses at my throat, “under the table…” warm hand around the back of my thigh, “and took me…” hips pressing me against the wall, “into your hot…” tongue swipe across my lower lip, “wet…mouth.”

I’m a huge mess, one solid throbbing bundle of need. More than anything, I need him to myself. Just us. I don’t even care what he does to me, as long as it’s just us this time. Don’t want to share his attention, don’t even want the television on. Hell, not even music.

You better shake those thoughts right out of your head, little subbie. This isn’t your show to run.

I try, I really do. But I’m so greedy for him. He’s turned me into a panting, moaning, horny, desperate girl. And it doesn’t help one bit that we haven’t fucked in, oh…almost a week! Considering we’ve been doing it like rabbits since Christmas, this little respite feels like a year in a nunnery. And, oh, Holy Mother of Intercourse, I am ready to break this habit!!

I am so close to begging him to take me right here, but I can’t afford a mistake right now. I think it would break me if he had to punish me instead of… whatever it is he has planned.

HE
If she had any idea how close I am to fucking her against this elevator wall, she would not be groaning like that in my ear, would not be pushing her hard little nipples into my hands, and she most definitely would not be humping my leg. Mercifully, there are no other passengers.

But there are such things as security cameras. I need to get her inside…

By the time the elevator dings on nineteen, my outstretched arm is already halfway down the hall with the key poised and ready to go. I pull off her coat in the hallway and fasten the ultrasuede collar around her neck. Upon second thought, I twist the D-ring to the back where it can be of some use later on.

“I’ll take your bracelet,” I instruct, and she drops it into my waiting hand. I clip the cuffs around each wrist and with a gruff voice, tell her, “Go and do what you need to in the bathroom. Once I chain you to the bed, I plan to keep you there for a good long while.” I catch a tiny whimper before she turns and runs to the bathroom, lest I change my mind.

Taking several deep breaths en route to my bedroom, I sink fully into Master mode: focused, controlled, prioritizing my submissive’s needs before mine. I can’t deny my excitement, but I can be patient. I hang up my sports coat and kick off my shoes, and I’m just unbuttoning my cuffs when I hear a small, uncertain voice at the door that causes my head to snap around.

“Master?”

“Princess.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know what my instructions were…?”

I walk over and take her by the wrists, looping my fingers through the clips. “My bad,” I say, leaning in to kiss her. I walk backwards, pulling her along until my legs hit the bed. I sit and lean back on my palms. “Unbutton your blouse.”

Her brown eyes flash as her hands move to her top button. Her rigid nipples are completely revealed beneath the thin layer of light-colored silk. The heavy hardware at her wrist provides a highly enticing contrast to the delicacy of her blouse. With each button, a new sliver of skin is revealed, but she never takes her eyes off mine. I can’t say the same for myself.

When the last button is opened, she drops her hands and waits. “Turn around.” She’s puzzled but she doesn’t hesitate. “Now, pull off your blouse.”

She shrugs out of the top and pulls it out of her leather skirt. I stand up and press my chest against her back, dipping my lips to the sweet spot I love so much at the base of her neck. I work my own buttons quickly and toss both our shirts gently onto the leather chair. Goose bumps rise along her flesh as I slide one finger along her shoulder and down her arm.

“Hands behind your neck.”

She obeys at once, and I click both cuffs into the D-ring at the back of the collar. “Turn back.”

When Isabella spins to face me again, her face is flushed and she casts her gaze downward. I cup her chin gently and look deep into her eyes. “Posture, Isabella.”

“Sorry, Master,” she mumbles, pressing her shoulders back and lifting her head.

I slide my hands to her lower back and pull her urgently into my body. Placing my lips next to her ear, I whisper, “This is how I was picturing you earlier tonight.”

My palms traverse the supple leather of her miniskirt and I grasp two handfuls of ass. Isabella grunts into my neck as I press her against me and myself against her. I slip my hands beneath her skirt. Her garter belt gives way to two soft mounds of flesh that roll between my fingers.

“All night,” I whisper, letting my hot breath bathe her ear. “Nothing between your skin and the leather.”

Suddenly, I can’t bear the skirt and I make quick work of the zipper. I step back as the leather falls away and I take in her glory. Standing tall and proud before me, elbows outstretched, beautiful breasts on perfect display, her sweet bare pussy framed by the cherry lace of the garter belt, long shapely legs encased in the sexiest stockings and tucked into her high-heeled leather shit-kickers. I run one finger between her breasts, trace down her belly and over the slip of lace. She bucks when I reach her pussy, but I don’t stop; I draw my finger through the slick divide and slip my glistening finger into her mouth.

she
 “What do you think, princess? Do you taste ready for me?”

“Yes, Master,” I croak, taking his finger all the way in.

He brings his mouth to my breast and laps at my nipple with his tongue. His finger pumps in and out of my mouth, filling me with the taste of my own desire. I lose my footing twice but Master steadies me with his free hand at my waist.

“Time for the real thing.” Lifting me right off my feet, Master carefully situates me on my back in the middle of the bed. He peels off first my right boot and then the other, clipping me into the ankle cuffs. With a lascivious wink, he pulls open my legs and secures my feet to the bedposts with ropes he seems to have stashed there earlier. Next, he’s up by my head releasing the wrist cuffs from my collar, clipping my wrists to the bedposts and assuring me, “Don’t worry, princess, we’ll work on that again tomorrow.”

Visions of Marcus’s tiny diagram of doom swim in my thoughts, but the wildly attractive half-bare man trussing me up spread-eagle wipes my mind—temporarily. As he shifts from one corner of the bed to the next, I am desperate for him to fill me. Master’s eyes darken as he tears off his pants and boxers and plants one knee between my thighs.

“You love being spread open for me, don’t you, Isabella?” He stalks up my body, licking his lips, and my eyes automatically fall to his swollen cock.

“Yes, Master.”

He takes his cock in hand and presents it to me. “Is this what you want?”

Growing more desperate. “Yes, Master.”

He rubs it along my slit, holding himself over my chest with one hand. I can feel the tension in his arms and chest. “Pleeeease, Master,” I beg shamelessly.

“Mmm, you’re so soft…” He slides up and down, flexing his hips ever so slightly. “So wet…” He rubs over my clit again and again. “Feel me?”

I feel every ridge, every vein. “God yes, Master.”

With that, he sinks inside me. Slowly, but surely. Inch by glorious inch, I take him in, until I feel the slap of his balls against my bottom.

His palm drops to my side and he thrusts forward, deep inside me. Master touches a place I haven’t been touched in a week’s time, a place I’d never been touched before him. An enormous sense of calm sweeps over me. I close my eyes and revel in the sense of being exactly where I belong.

Master drops his forehead to my chest as he thrusts and twists, the effort rippling through his muscles. I long to wrap my arms around his neck and hold him against me.

His face slides along my breast with the force of his movements, his open-mouthed grunts falling softly into my skin. It’s not until he’s said it probably five times that I realize he’s repeating a single word, over and over.

“Mine…mine…mine.”

“Yes, Master,” I answer, tears running down my face. “I’m yours.”

I drift in and out of sleep as he takes care of me.

Sweet kisses dropped on my wrists …

Stockings slipped down my thighs, calves, toes…

Fingers ghosting along my hips, freeing me of the garter belt…

Sheets billowed and placed lovingly over my skin…

“G’night, my sweet princess.” A soft kiss on my shoulder.

HE
“More eggs?”

“No, thank you, Master.”

“Toast? Melon? Orange juice?”

Isabella giggles.

“Shall we try the coffee again?”

“Um…no, I think not. But thank you, Master.”

I regard the light brown stain trailing from the collar to the tail of her shirt—rather, my shirt—and shrug.

“If you hadn’t started laughing while I had the mug up to your lips, this never would’ve happened.”

She smiles. “I’m sorry. You were making a really weird face. I couldn’t help it.”

“Weird face?”

“Yes, like when parents are spooning strained peaches into their babies’ mouths and they kind of…” She makes the weird face.

“Suit yourself. I’m not feeding you again until I get hungry for lunch.”

Isabella smiles broadly. “I’ll take my chances, Master.”

“Up!” I command, tapping her bare behind and helping her off my lap. “Come and entertain me while I do the dishes.”

“How shall I entertain you, Master?”

“Hmm,” I consider, looking her over from head to toe. Except for her collar, she’s dressed only in my white shirt, held together by two buttons fastened at thewaist. Her hands are bound at her lower back with an old tie I never wear anymore but find handy for its current purpose. Ever since last night, I’ve felt this insane urge to possess her, have her tucked into my clothing, encased in my scent.

I reach out and undo the buttons. “You can stand here and look pretty for me.” Before I turn away, I situate the shirt outside her lovely breasts. Yes, infinitely more entertaining.

I carry the dishes over to the sink and start scrubbing the pan. “After I finish here, you’re going to pick a movie on demand for us.”

She looks surprised.

“I know what you’re thinking: with all that great football playoff commentary on this morning, all the hoopla about the Giants and the Patriots repeating, how can Master possibly want to watch a movie? Am I right?”

“Yes, Master.”

I move around swiftly, drying and returning things to cupboards while we chat. “I’ll be honest with you, princess. I had some plans for today…”

My voice drifts off as I recall what I’d come to refer to in my head as “guided viewing” of today’s early game—an elaborate system of rewards and punishments mirroring whatever the players were doing on the field. A swish of the crop for turnovers and missed first downs, a touch of the Hitachi for completed passes and field goals.

But that was all before her words turned themselves around in my head all night: my presumed betrayal, her fear that she’d let me down. It’s not easy being a submissive when one is also a perfectionist, though unsurprisingly, the two often go hand in hand. There is more than one kind of shackle, after all.

“Anyway, I felt it was important to remind you that there is absolutely nothing more important to me than you, and you are entirely deserving of my complete devotion.”

“Thank you, Master,” she answers humbly. “I feel the same way about you.”

I toss the towel over the faucet and give her a kiss. “I know you do, sweetheart."

she
“Good thing I didn’t blindfold you today,” Master comments as the opening credits flash on the screen.

“No biggie. I could’ve just listened; I’m fluent in French.”

“You what?” The brush stops pulling through my hair and his face appears next to mine.

Master seems in a light, playful mood this morning, so I draw out my tease. “I spent my junior year in Nice.” I say this as if I’m hurt he never thought to ask before this moment.

“I did not know that,” he mumbles. “How do you say, ‘I am really fucking impressed’ in French?”

Je ne sais fucking quoi. I was pulling your leg…Master.”

That was brave,” he answers, chuckling and returning to my hair.

A little shiver zings to my lady parts at his thinly veiled warning. I’m tempted to close my eyes and enjoy the attention he’s paying to my hair, but I really have been wanting to see The Intouchables forever. I’m pretty sure Edward the boyfriend wouldn’t have agreed to a foreign film, but when Master offered me my pick, I took him at his word.

I’m kneeling on a big pillow on the floor between his legs, and he’s pulled my shirt back behind my shoulders so as not to “obstruct his view.”

After a couple hours now with my hands tied behind my back, I’m starting to feel pretty helpless, which is, of course the point. Master loves this game, loves being my body parts for me—my eyes, my hands, my voice.

“Excuse me, Master. Do you think we might take an intermission?”

“Sure, my eyeballs could use a rest. What do you need, princess?”

“May I use the toilet, Master?”

“Well, I’m damn glad to hear you ask properly. Here, let me help you up.”

He tosses aside the brush and helps me to my feet. We walk over to the powder room and I wait for him to untie my hands. He cocks his brow.

Okay then.

Master crosses his arms and leans against the doorjamb while I take care of business, and when I’m done, I look up imploringly. He waits.

“Master, may I please use my hands?”

He shakes his head. “Nope. Not today.”

I feel the hot blush color me from the top of my chest to the tips of my ears. “Master, will you please…” Perfectly clear there’s no room for euphemisms today, I continue, “wipe me?”

Oh my God.

He smiles and pushes off the wall. “Sure thing, sweetheart.”

Master tears off a bit of toilet paper and wads it one hand. Counterbalancing his weight with one hand on my shoulder, he leans in to kiss me while he dabs me dry below. And of course, my weak, stupid pussy betrays me by enjoying it.

He penetrates me with his eyes when he pulls back from the kiss. “Need anything else, princess?”

“No, thank you, Master.”

“You sure now?” he smiles devilishly.

“I’m sure.”

“That’s all right. You can beg me later if you change your mind.”

Something tells me I will.

HE
The second half of the movie was far more interesting, both because Isabella was stretched over my lap, bottoms-up, and because the story line struck a dominant chord.

“Did you realize what this movie was about when you said you wanted to watch it?” I inquire, striking her randomly with my open palm.

“Not exactly.”

“You have to admit, the theme is pretty fucking germaine. Damn, if I’d have known he was a quadriplegic, I would’ve hog-tied you first. That would’ve been interesting.”

I spank her extra exuberantly, and she groans into the couch.

“There’s certainly no room for mistrust in that relationship, is there? I mean, he is totally…”

Spank!

“…utterly”

Spank!

“…completely dependent on his aide.”

I grasp her bound hands and press them to her back. Spank!

“What if Driss’s intentions had been anything less than honorable?”

I tease at her crack and she squirms under my hands.

“Spread your legs, Isabella. And hold still.”

She calms instantly and offers herself.

“Do you have any idea how tempting this is now? All pink and smooth?” I trace my finger lightly between her cheeks and gently circle the puckered disk.

“Unnn,” she groans, ignoring my rhetorical question.

“Push up onto your knees and give me what I want, Isabella.”

She scrambles into position.

“That’s it, sweetheart. You feel me here with you right now?”

“Yes, Master,” she grunts, as my fingers tease at both openings.

“What would you like this hand to do, Isabella?”

“Please, Master. Touch me—my pussy,” she adds hastily while I tickle at her slit. I’ve been teasing her for the last hour, poor thing. It’s no wonder she’s needy.

I let go of her wrists and begin spanking her rhythmically with one hand, while the other works her pussy into a desperate frenzy.

“Hmm, you look like you might be ready to come soon, Isabella.”

“Yes, Master.” Grunt, moan, shift.

I flatten my palm along her slit and Isabella squeaks and buries her face in the couch.

“That’s a girl. Come for your Master now, Isabella.” My fingertips work her clit while the heel of my hand presses farther back and I hold her steady while the pleasure overtakes her.

she
“Go and put on the white bikini and your silver heels and bring your laptop out here.”

“Yes, Master.”

I could tell when we were in Bendel’s he liked this one best, and there was no way he was going to wait until we reached our island getaway to see it on me, or peel it off me, as the case will undoubtedly be.

“And clip your hair out of the way so I can see your tits,” he calls out behind me. How can such a complicated man be so simple sometimes? It’s crazy adorable.

“Make it quick!” he adds impatiently. “I only have another half hour to boss you around and ogle you.”

Does he really not know he could do both of those things as my boyfriend?

“Sweet,” Master smiles over at me from his perch on the couch as I prance back into the room in the skimpy two-piece. He puts his hand out and I pass him my laptop.

“Clasp your hands behind your back, feet apart, best posture,” he says absently, booting up and tapping away on the keys. He lifts his eyes to where I’m standing in front of him. “That looks great, princess. I want you to do your best to hold that for me while we start on your journal entry.”

Gulp.

Does he think I can just rattle this stuff off?

“Oh wait, before we start, you got a couple responses on the ‘Silence’ entry. From Kitkat—‘Your cathartic release (snickers) was probably good for your Master. I’m sure he enjoyed being the one to soothe and calm you. That just adds to his feeling of dominance.’…Smart girl, I’ve always liked that one… ‘HE is the one taking care of your needs...even the snotty ones.  As for the silence, well, I'm sure that while he did relish your struggle to obey his commands, he will always miss the sweet sounds of your cries and moans. IQ be damned, he's still a man who likes to hear his girl squeal .’

She’s right again,” Master sniggers. “Did you want to respond?”

He looks up expectantly, hands poised over the keyboard, and I have to remind myself not to slouch.

“Uh, sure. Thank you, Master.”

“Go.”

“KK, Master says you hit all the nails on their heads. And thanks for mentioning the snot.”

Master’s eyes shift up over the screen and he cracks a smile. “Really?”

“Absolutely. She loves that.”

“Okay…next up is Curious JDR who says, ‘Dear princess, once again I must commend your Master on his brilliance…’ Oh, we should just pause right there for a minute.”

I roll my eyes when he looks up and he shrugs and continues, “'Aaaand you on your ability to understand why he does what he does.’”

“Pfffft!” I can’t help it. I start to giggle and quake. The brilliance was bad enough, my ability to understand him…just…no.

“Posture!” he reminds me crossly, but that only makes me laugh even harder.

Master sets aside the laptop and moves quickly behind me. Oh shit. With a flick of a couple fingers, my top is untied and lying on the floor. “This is like Hangman. When you run out of clothing, you’re in trouble.”

“Yes, Master.” I bite my lip.

“As I was saying,” he continues, finding his spot on the screen, “’By withholding your words, you were able to give him an even greater gift with your tears. Do not worry about losing your own voice. Your Master will always treasure it, and know that when he denies you your words, the result will be enlightening for both of you.’ This one’s right, too. You know I love your words, princess.”

“Of course, Master.”

“Here we go. First off, I want you to know I’d never post anything to your blog. I’m just going to record and save what you say. And secondly, you can edit this however you want or start over from scratch. I need to have this conversation with you, and I want you to write about it as well. So I thought this would give you a jump start.”

“Thank you.”

“Okay. Don’t say anything right away. Just crawl back to the scene and try to get back inside your head. I want to understand exactly why you chose the wrong language for your bathroom request. Take your time.”

I take a deep breath and shore up my posture.

 “May I go to the bathroom?”

“You mean, you just want to walk over there to the door and come back?”

“No, I mean I need to go inside, please.”

“I’m surprised at you, girl. You know how to ask properly.”

Ugh, his disappointment washes over me anew. Why did I couch my request? Hell, I’d already been on my knees with Master’s cock in my mouth under the table, not to mention wiggling a knife around in my wet pussy and giving it to Marcus to sniff. So…what was the big deal?

“Words, Master. I can read ‘em, I can write ‘em—”

“That you can, my princess,” he responds, setting his fingers to typing.

“The dirty talk is just…so mortifying. I thought I’d die when you made me say ‘pussy.’”

He stops typing and turns compassionate eyes to mine. “But you didn’t,” he observes.

“Not quite,” I smile, a little.

“So how does ‘toilet’ get you when ‘pussy’ doesn’t?”

“I guess because it’s not sexual at all. A person should not have to ask to perform basically bodily functions.”

“You didn’t ask as a person, though.”

“Master?” My voice is a whimper. He’s doing that thing again, disappearing down the long tunnel. I’m not a person?

“You’re my submissive, you are whatever I say you are. My elf, my dinner slave, my pet…my beautiful, sexy toy…”

Tears burn at my eyes. “Master, may I ask your hands to do something for me?”

He sets aside the laptop again and stands in front of me. “Sure.”

“Hold me? Please?”

His arms are around me in an instant. “Release your hands,” he commands, and my hands celebrate their freedom by wrapping themselves around my Master’s back. His faded old MIT tee-shirt feels soft and comforting against my skin and he warms the chill that’s taken me by rubbing his palms up and down along my arms and rocking me slowly.

“Sorry about my posture,” I whisper haltingly. I’m trying not to lose it, but it’s not working.

“Never mind that. I just needed you a bit vulnerable so you could get there.”

“I’m there,” I choke out, and the tears finally come.

HE
I wrap Isabella in my arms and carry her to the big armchair. We collapse into it together and I fold her against me and tuck her head under my chin.

“Do you remember when I told you it’s not always about sex?”

She nods against my chest.

“It seems like it should be easy, but it’s not, right?”

She nods again and I can feel the wet soaking through my shirt.

“Do you think you can look at me?”

She shakes her head side to side and it makes me smile and hold her tighter. “Okay,” I soothe. “Can you at least feel that I’m right here?”

She nods her head and I rock us slowly. My heart is so full right now for my sweet, sweet subbie. The words slip out before I bother to catch them.

“I love you, princess.”

She lifts her head and stares at me, two surprised, melty chocolate chips gazing deep into my eyes.

“I love you too, Master.”

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A/N: Thank you for the thoughtful, honest, and insightful comments on the Marcus chapter. I hope this one helps clarify the many questions that were posed. As ever, I love to hear what's on your mind.

On another note: Many of your favorite fandom authors are writing for a compilation to show support and love for our dear friend and reader Katalina and raise money for cancer research. To find out more and donate to the cause, visit  SU4K. Here's the prologue to my contribution--Katalina's love story.

Thank you for all your kindness and support. XXX ~BOH

55 comments:

  1. Beautiful! I loved the fact that it was more about trust than sex. They were so horny it could have been just pure play and sex but in your wisdome, like the great writer that iu are, you took it to a meaningful place insted of just gettim their rocks off.
    Thank you

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    1. I truly appreciate your perspective and your compliments. Thank you for that.

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  2. Even tho you can see the joy he has at mastering her, you can also see that everything is a lesson. She is learning so much just this weekend! He is getting so much satisfaction from teaching her and molding her into perfection! Marcus should be proud of the job he did teaching Edward to be such a wonderful dom. Carlisle and Esme should be proud of the wonderful man they raised. Isabella should be proud when the things click in her head. She is letting go of the things holding her back and becoming so strong in her submission. OH, and his little slip in his head in the elevator. If he had any less strength he prob would have taken her there...cause no matter how much he wants to dominate he also just loves her and wants her.
    Good stuff Mistress BOH lol, good stuff.

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    1. I love how you worded that, Vicki. I do see it as joyful for him as teacher and for her as student, as they both strive for perfection in their relationship(s). MWAH!

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  3. OMG. Yep, no wobbling legs or stomache rolling going on after this chapter! LOL Well, this chapter certainly clarified several things for me. First and foremost I think that I am beginning to understand how Isabella placing complete trust in Edward is paramount, and even when she commented that he seemed different--somewhat not himself in the scene--he managed to relay to her that he could and would be who he wished to be in any given scene, and it was not her responsibilty to either understand or judge the role he choose to play. It once again emphasizes that she needs to simply trust and submit. It was a gentle reminder of who "runs the show". It is quite a paradox to be a perfectionist as well as a submissive. I can truly understand what you meant by that--it requires much effort and dedication to obtain perfection, as at also requires much effort to let go and be commanded and ordered by someone else to achieve the perfection of the D/s relationship. Hope that makes sense. I am now understanding what I missed in the previous chapter--Edward is not a mindreader; therefore, when Isabella panicked and did not safeword, it also placed Edward in a very precarious position. Thank goodness he seems to know Isabella very well, and was able to guide her to safewording; however, if a scene got very intense and he was not reading all the signs, he could quite possibly harm her either emotionally or physically. Yes, he was able to read the signs at the restaurant; however, a time may come when he is so into the scene that he misses the tells. So, now I truly do understand that he must be confident that she will safeword when she is frightened or panicked. Obviusly something that they will be working on.

    I found fascinating the way he transitioned into the discussion with regard the improper verbiage when requesting to use the toilet. I totally get what she was saying. I chuckled to myself, cause I remember one incident when I was dating this guy, and I excused myself to go to the "ladies room". Now, what makes this really weird, is that I was in my own home. I'm not sure how one can be totally intimate with a man, but cannot voice the need to use the "toilet" without using victiorian or society acceptable terms, especially when in your own home. LOL I get her discomfort. So I really am glad that even though they were still in the scene (I think, unless I misread that), he seemed to be relaxing the rules to allow her to explain her reluctance.

    Well, as always, Born this was another stellar chapter. I gotta say though, KEA is definitely screwing up my mojo. Saturday mornings I am supposed to be doing housework, laundry, etc., those dull mundane things; but I find I cannot get started until I have read KEA. Additionally, I still cannot grasp my overt fascination with this story. For some odd reason I feel the need to read the posted chapters at least twice, and then feel the need to leave these long-assed reviews. One would think I was completing classwork or working on a thesis. Anyways, hope my reviews don't bore you.

    Look forward to next week.

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    1. I'm pleased that you feel this chapter cleared up some of the points that had you puzzled or worried before. And just to clarify, once they safeworded, kind of together, the scene was suspended. NEVER EVER BORED by a thoughtful review. Thanks so much for letting the characters worm their way into your Saturdays! XXX
      b

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  4. Wow...amazing! As always u hit every single doubt. and he said I love u while playing....damn that was hot!

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    1. Yeah- glad you picked up on the Master-sub ily's.
      xx
      b

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  5. great as usual. Intouchables, fab film, cried so much. I couldn't believe it when he poured boiling water of his legs, and he was just so polically incorrect. They were just perfect together and just what they both needed actually. Good job I can understand french - vraiment. xx jasper_remplacer_edward - je rigole.

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    1. I loved the film as well. Watched it on a plan and cried the whole way to my destination. Very impressive, JRE!

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  6. Being a sub is an extremely emotional role. It seems as if Edward understands that and isn't bothered by how much Bella cries. And thank you for showing how much her lack of trust upset him. I KNEW it had to have!

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    1. Master and Edward have never been ones to shy away from her tears. He's a "man for all seasons!" Yes, he needs her trust more than anything else.
      xx

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  7. Bella is really going to need to decompress after this weekend. Her emotions are really all over the place. Loved that the both said those three little words to each other... it's about time!

    Excellent chapter!

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    1. About time...well, I'm not really sure subs and doms typically use this language with each other unless they're 24/7, but it felt right. As usual, my characters speak when they're ready and I just write it all down.
      xx
      b

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  8. Damm, Born. When I read Cullen Cousin's review, I feel like I'm late to the party once again. The significance of the exchange of the ILY's totally went over my head. I guess I had better pay more attention. I'm just shaking my head--"How did I miss that?". LOL So glad they shared that with each other.

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  9. I love when Master talks to me. Too bad he didn't understand the snot. Snot is epic.

    And damn...I so enjoy her breakdowns. To see that he can build her back up is part of what makes their relationship so perfect.

    And you...you are perfect.

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    1. Thanks, KK. Master loves you too. If he read more of your stories, he'd probably need to meet you.
      xx

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  10. I think this post-play wrap up was as revealing to Isabella as it was for me. And maybe for Edward a little too. I like the feeling that he learns a little along the way too. Even though he is a practiced Dom, the concept of a sub/girlfriend is new to him and would have a few different requirements than the typical D/s relationship. There is so much more riding on the line.

    Just like princess, I wasn't sure what to expect. After last chapter, I was worried there would be some sort of repurcussion at her having let Master down. Kudos for putting us all in her head space. I was surprised but glad when he instead praised her in the taxi and told her she had already received her correction. But I do agree with her inital reaction to his comment that the corrections are part of the "fun." To me that is a rather "mean" way to state it. And her disturbing thoughts about him feeling that she needs to be treated like the dog who made a mess on the Persian rug also made me sad and left me feeling disturbed.

    I'm glad they cleared the air about his perceived anger during the scene when she wouldn't go with Marcus. He said he was surprised and that she'd never disobeyed him before, but I still think there was a touch of anger there. Even a parent feels a little anger when a child doesn't obey. And he was tense about the topic, so maybe a tiny bit of anger there?

    I loved how he expressed his concerns to her, though. Not wanting her apologies, but wanting unconditional trust--not just that she trust him to do right by her, but that he could trust her to be honest with him and safeword when she should. I think it's good if he pulls back a little on the pushing, giving her time to adjust since she is a perfectionist. She obviously wants to please him. But he did a good job of explaining the fine line between a Master using his sub and abusing his sub. Of course he doesn't want to hurt her emotionally or physically, but he can't know he won't do that unless she is willing to safeword.

    His ultimatum had my gut clenching, but his telling her he trusted her--that she would learn from this--was what she needed to hear. It was smart for him to explain it as a hard limit for him. Now she knows he's not just saying it, he really does need her to stop play when it gets to be too much for her in any way.

    I enjoyed their lighter tone the next morning. I don't think you can completely shut off the loving aspect of their relationship when they are in D/s mode. And maybe that is what princess needed to know. It's still there, even when she is being objectified.

    When she explained her discomfort, saying a person shouldn't have to ask to perform basic bodily functions, Edward's answer hit me just as it did her. "You didn't ask as a person, though." I understood his point, but I was right with her as he began disappearing down that long tunnel. And even though she enjoys being his submissive, his elf, his dinner slave, his sex toy, and his pet, I think she really needed to know that she is always loved in all those various selves she becomes for him. Saying I love you is always the way Edward ends their scenes, but I think Isabela may sometimes need to hear it in the scene because they are so much more than Dom and sub. I'm glad the words slipped out before Edward bothered to catch them.

    Thanks for a great chapter. As always so thought-provoking.

    -loopy

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    1. Loopy- I think it's fair to say that a good dom is ALWAYS learning, as is a good husband/boyfriend/parent, etc. Hope you're not still sad about Isabella being "disturbed" about feeling the dog who messed on the rug. She just needs to continue to work through these issues...

      I understand what you're saying about the anger. Master explained best as he could, the combo of surprise and hurt, and maybe it combined to make him short with her, but anger isn't the lasting emotion from all that.

      She needed to hear the ultimatum in no uncertain terms and truly understand that it is HIS risk, not hers, when she fails to safe word. I agree with you (obviously) that they needed to declare their love in scene. Not that this is standard, I'm guessing, but it's who THEY are.

      Thanks so much for all your insights.
      xx
      b

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  11. Ahhhh...now I understand Bella's mistake at the restaurant regarding her request to use the bathroom. Thanks for making that abundantly clear.

    The scene at the end when Bella just asks to be held was so touching. When Bella wondered whether she was a person (My voice is a whimper. He’s doing that thing again, disappearing down the long tunnel. I’m not a person?), those lines really got to me. His response was so reassuring, so perfect, just as a good master's should be. It made their love for each other abundantly clear. This was one of the most beautiful chapters yet!

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    1. I'm so pleased you were moved by this one and that you feel their conversation clarified things for you. I agree that Bella was lost there for a bit, but I feel as though that's a normal response to all this deeply emotional stuff they're trying out. Thanks for taking it seriously and engaging with the characters. Means so much.
      xx

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  12. Hmmmm...that whole "unconditional trust thing"? I don't have anyone in my life that I can honestly say I "unconditionally trust" so I'm thinking that is a tough order to process.

    This made me sit up and listen:

    Playing with you when I can’t trust that you’ll safe word is irresponsible of me and dangerous for both of us. It’s a hard limit for me.”

    Powerful words from Edward. He has given her a clear hard limit for him.

    I want to know what went on between Marcus and Edward! *blantant hint*

    Love, love, LOVE this line:

    And, oh, Holy Mother of Intercourse, I am ready to break this habit!!

    Enjoyed the chapter. Love their conversations. How nice to be that open with your significant other.

    Can't wait to read what happens next.

    Keye

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    1. Keye, I hear you on the trust issue. It is interesting to imagine that kind of relationship, isn't it? And I do believe that is what is demanded. Though I suppose the safe word would negate the unconditional trust a bit. For me, it really is interesting to ponder WHY exactly my trust wanes at times and whether that lack of trust was warranted. Is defensiveness helpful? Not to me, not usually. I'd love to hear your thoughts.
      xx

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  13. Awww. Loved their communication, as always. And of course the sex was delish. The image of him feeding her was hysterical.

    Giants v Pats...I remember it well ;) (and LOL because I wrote about it in my K outtake, too!! haha...great minds)


    xoxo love you.

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    1. I'm sure you know that FACE guys make when they're shoveling in the strained peas, right? Yeah, this was just the pre-playoff nonsense. Wait till we get to the Super Bowl. Oy.

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  14. Wow, I felt like this chapter was a gigantic treat, from the first word to the last! I loved it. I'll tell you more later when I've dorted out ly thoughts and I'm on a proper computer with a proper key board. Gah I hate Apple... Laters and have a wonderful rest of the weekend!A.xx

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    1. Thank you for sharing here and there and everywhere.
      xx

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  15. I swear, I could listen to Edward and Master talk all. day. long. Ummmf. His words are as sexy and commanding and controlling as his actions, even when discussing a scene.

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    1. You should come live inside my head for a bit. He never stops!
      xx
      b

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  16. No matter what Bella's response is to Master's actions, he's always there to explain. They just connect so well, and the give and take between these two is just wonderful. As always their moments together are just so freakin hot! Loved it :)

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  17. Loved the convo in the cab on the way home- Master really shed some light on the reason why he apologised to Marcus for what Isabella did wrong.. I thought he was actually embarassed by her actions but it totally makes sense that it was part of her correction.

    and the part about him being hurt that she thought he might've sold her out... UGH- punch to the gut, right there. he really drove home the point that she has to know she trusts him before the scene starts and then just run with that.. she can't waver during the scene, and if shes not sure, she HAS to safeword. otherwise shes not being fair to Edward. He respects her limits, and she has to respect his (which include knowing beyond all doubt that she is OK, etc.)

    i liked when he asked her what she thought of marcus... wonder if her thinking he's "hot.. for an old guy" will make her nervous about accepting him as a mentor.. hope not! lol, if anything, id guess shed maybe be a little nervous about how "scary" M seemed- but itll be a different dynamic when Marcus is her mentor than when he is her Master's Master. cant wait til E proposes that arrangement. and I would love it if Isabella got to hear (even a little bit) about what went on between E and M back in the day! (hmm i wonder if there would ever be another scene that involved M like last chapter, or if thatll kinda not be possible once hes her mentor... )

    loved the tender sex, with the "mine, mine, mine." and the "That was brave."- made me all tingly too. ;) lol

    that part in the bathroom?-- im pretty sure the tips of my ears were bright red too! :)

    might need to see that movie... lol

    that convo about why she didnt ask to use the bathroom correctly- kind of a tough pill to swallow, that youre not necessarily a person while in the scene, unless your Master says you are, of course... one of those tricky ones...

    i really liked the movement of time in this one. we didnt see every second but we got the essentials... i mean i love details as much as the next girl, so dont go skimping on them (HAHA!), but i felt like this chapter moved along at a nice pace. I also liked that there were some moments where they were still in scene but Isabella was still speaking relatively freely- I'd think it would help break up some of the intensity that might become a little overwhelming.

    another lovely chapter. :)

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    1. Digi- I can't see the three of them scening again this way once she chooses M as her mentor. At least, I haven't seen it that way AS OF YET! ;)

      HEE HEE on the bathroom, yeah I almost took that right out of there!

      DEFINITELY see the movie!

      I think you'll be seeing the pace pick up now that we're past some of the major milestones in their relationship. I'd like to finish this story some day.
      xxx

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  18. good job adding some closure to their scene
    and i'm so glad he addressed her issue of not safe wording
    she is a perfectionist and she is going to have to learn that she will make mistakes
    as his girlfriend and as his sweet subbie
    as well as he will make mistakes
    it is about growing and moving on
    i'm glad they have this point
    keep it coming!
    i signed up to, need to start writing!

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    1. YES all about growing!
      Hope your story is started, young lady!
      xx

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  19. I'm glad Edward felt the need to possess and claim Isabella after the scene with Marcus. I guess that means he wasnt expecting his reaction to sharing his sub. I mean, Marcus may not have touched Isabella, but like Edward says in this chapter: it's not always about sex. So, Edward definitely shared Isabella in the last chapter.
    Now I'm all sad, 'cause I'm caught up :S No more "next" button...
    Until next time... XOXO

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    1. I think you read him correctly here; Master definitely needed to claim his subbie after that intense scene with Marcus. From their familiarity and ease with each other, it seems clear to me (wink) that Marcus and Edward have done this kind of play before--perhaps when Edward was just earning his dom degree and starting out on his own. I guarantee you he never reacted this way to "sharing" another sub.
      Thanks for your sweet words all along- sure hope they've been inspiring. Love to J! ;)
      xx

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  20. It seemed like Isabella was able to remain in the moment more during their scene this time. She didn't seem to get lost in her head like she tends to do. Maybe what she perceived as her mistake or failure earlier helped to free her in a way. Master definitely sets the tone, but she seemed to have an easier time expressing herself. It felt like a turning point to me when Master pointed out that "talking dirty" didn't kill Isabella although she said she felt mortified. Fear can make things seem so much bigger than they really are, and this is the first time that I really saw how fortunate Isabella is to have someone will push her when she can't seem to push herself. I think she made a reference to this after the waxing, but this was the first time it really hit me. I loved when she asked for Master's hands to hold her. That felt really big- like asking for what she needed and relying on him to be her comfort in that moment goes a long way in showing her trust.

    I loved their I love yous:) & Was Edward really jealous? Is he even capable of that emotion?:) This is my favorite chapter yet. I can't wait to see where you take them from here:) Saturday seems like a long time away from now:)

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    1. I agree that fear and modesty will tend to cloud the issues of trust and obedience for her, and she needs to do her best to shed the old taboos. Love that you loved her asking for Master's hands around her. She DID need that and wasn't afraid to ask.

      No Edward was not jealous. He is not threatened in the least by Marcus, as it should be! XXX

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  21. Very much like that he compliments her heartily and takes the time to fully and completely address, discuss and review any area where she is bothered or hesitant of her actions or questions his reactions. She learns from his insight, reasoning and use of past scenes and examples which reinforces those "extended" boundaries.

    I also enjoyed that even masters can get a little bit needy ("mine, mine, mine") , just like submissives along with the return of his humor throughout the next day all the while working on her posture and toilet humiliation. (I don't mean to suggest that his humor ever left him - just that they both enjoyed their day together).

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    1. I think he really needs to work on getting across that he IS pleased with her. They sure did enjoy their day together as Master and subbie and they really needed that! Thanks, L!
      xx

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  22. Master read my blog post and now I'm ecstatic. Wonderful chapter BOH, but is he seriously not watching the Giants vs the Patriots? You know it's all about football for me!

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    1. Don't forget, they didn't play until the Superbowl, Jayme. This is just some pre-playoff bantering. Don't worry, the "big game" will get its due, even if it kills me, which it might.
      xx
      b

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  23. Aww, that was almost a fluffy chapter... like comfort food :o) I am fully consoled now and full of TRUST again ;o)
    ***enamoramiento

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  24. Thanks! I love following their journey ;)

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  25. I'm back again:)
    So... This was fabulous. I was surprised at how openly te spoke in the cab as Master and sub. But I love it completely. I think it's really cool.

    I was so on board with Edward here. Which you already knew. Her lack of trust from the previous chapter really bothered me. I love how he explained his behavior to her using the school example. That was really good. I can cut Bella some slack since she is so new at this but still... They'd just had that while chat about not sharing after the chat rooms and then again before they went out! Ugh. Dead horse. I know. But it was so good.

    Anyway... Love that you kept the bathroom part in there. Any comments on that?

    And I can't remember what else I was going to say and if I scroll up it doesn't let me type in the box anymore:/. I may go back to PM's.

    Oh! Her not a person thing. That made me sad. Poor thing. Love how Edward held her tho.

    Love it love you.

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    1. I never answered this...SORRY SHELL!

      Yeah, this was a tough place for Bella, but I think in the end, they came through it with a new understanding of their relationship.
      xx

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  26. WOW. I love that he tells his submissive that he loves her. And, its weird that she thought he was "different" at the dinner scene w/ Marcus too. Guess, I'd have a lot to learn too as a sub.

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    1. Well, I suppose you got your answer. Neither of them is perfect, and what counts is how they work through their issues together. Thank you for engaging so deeply with the characters.
      xx

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  27. OK I'm slipping or not all here today I guess because I haven't a clue what happened at the end of the chapter. She got upset and needed to be held because he said she wasn't a person? He referred to her as his submissive, his sex toy, and a couple of other things, but I thought she already understood that. Can you explain that further to me? Sorry...

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    1. She was having a hard time with the concept in that moment, that he didn't see her as a person. She was extremely vulnerable, and I think she might not have been completely ready to take that in.
      x

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  29. Hopefully, it will be fine to leave this review here even though it is not all related to this chapter. First, this story is wonderful, very enjoyable. There are a few points that are a bit bothersome, but your writing is phenomenal. This girl understands why Isabella was taken aback when her Master informed her that she was not a person, that her existence comes only from His ownership of her. D/s is a personal journey, most relationships within the community bear little to no resemblance to any other relationship. The idea that submissives are not people is not universally shared among the Dominant community. As a thinking, feeling person, this girl makes a conscious choice to submit to Master, He would say that without that choice, submission is not meaningful. That is why Master covets the renewed commitment to devotion and obedience this girl gifts to Him freely.

    Master Edward and Isabella's Collaring ceremony was rather odd. Bella read her previously unseen vows from a page, she didn't even know that the ceremony was going to occur. When Master fastened the lock on His collar, this girl spoke her vows from the heart. It was a sacred moment, in some ways, even more meaningful than our wedding vows. Perhaps Master Edward will get Isabella a few more collars as they go on, but the velvet ribbon is a bit disappointing. After almost 23 years, Master has chosen 4 different collars and each has their place and meaning for us. Black velvet is meaningful for Edward and Isabella but it is also fragile, it works well as a first collar but it would have been appropriate for Edward to gift her a more permanent collar. Yes, Isabella has the bracelet but since she still wears the velvet collar, the bracelet is NOT her collar.

    I look forward to seeing Master Edward choose a more substantial collar for his submissive and I hope for their continued growth in their commitment.

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